[ Caroline can't size up the dam that divides her from Elena, to know when boughs may break to sweep them into an eddy, how high the mountain is that's been forged between them. She can't, not until they talk.
When she first felt herself again, guilt filled her to the brim: she's still just as overwhelmed, and as if Elena would ever need a physical showing of that being the case, the darkness that cannot fleet from Caroline's eyes will be on full display to show it.
She thinks she'll say certain phrases too quickly, that her goal of taking this one step at a time will fail. Maybe it will; yet, what worse could she possibly do to Elena? For Caroline is thoroughly convinced that she's a total life-ruiner. Lack of full control being no excuse for her actions (it is an excuse, but not to Caroline. Not with a situation that comes with such high costs.)
Caroline occupies her time glancing around on her phone for messages to reply to. Anything to keep herself engaged. It's a failure, really, which is old hat for her that month. But, that self-loathing is a matter she doesn't want to make the focal point of anything, because it's Elena's feelings that matter, more than her own. She knows she breaks the cardinal rule of putting yourself first to properly be there for those you love, but this is a damn unique situation. She's putting Elena first, no matter what.
Before she texted, Caroline sat down with a glass of hot tea, some liquor poured in, glancing around the apartment that's as pristine as it could get with the supplies she's scrounged up. She's cleaned the place (not including Elena's room because hello privacy) up and down, giving the bathroom and kitchen both an intense scrub down.
Cleaning helps nothing when you literally stole your best friend's happiness.
Yet, she sits, breath holding at the relief that Elena replies. She took a shower in the past hour, hair already dry, casual clothes on. Anyone with a birds eye view might think everything is just peachy there in their shared little abode. ]
I wouldn't blame you if you were, either. But yeah, I'm here. In the kitchen.
Do you wanna come by now? [ It's so bizarre to ask, to feel the need to ask, and her chest hurts at the notion. ]
text ][
When she first felt herself again, guilt filled her to the brim: she's still just as overwhelmed, and as if Elena would ever need a physical showing of that being the case, the darkness that cannot fleet from Caroline's eyes will be on full display to show it.
She thinks she'll say certain phrases too quickly, that her goal of taking this one step at a time will fail. Maybe it will; yet, what worse could she possibly do to Elena? For Caroline is thoroughly convinced that she's a total life-ruiner. Lack of full control being no excuse for her actions (it is an excuse, but not to Caroline. Not with a situation that comes with such high costs.)
Caroline occupies her time glancing around on her phone for messages to reply to. Anything to keep herself engaged. It's a failure, really, which is old hat for her that month. But, that self-loathing is a matter she doesn't want to make the focal point of anything, because it's Elena's feelings that matter, more than her own. She knows she breaks the cardinal rule of putting yourself first to properly be there for those you love, but this is a damn unique situation. She's putting Elena first, no matter what.
Before she texted, Caroline sat down with a glass of hot tea, some liquor poured in, glancing around the apartment that's as pristine as it could get with the supplies she's scrounged up. She's cleaned the place (not including Elena's room because hello privacy) up and down, giving the bathroom and kitchen both an intense scrub down.
Cleaning helps nothing when you literally stole your best friend's happiness.
Yet, she sits, breath holding at the relief that Elena replies. She took a shower in the past hour, hair already dry, casual clothes on. Anyone with a birds eye view might think everything is just peachy there in their shared little abode. ]
I wouldn't blame you if you were, either. But yeah, I'm here. In the kitchen.
Do you wanna come by now? [ It's so bizarre to ask, to feel the need to ask, and her chest hurts at the notion. ]