rehashing | but what I want to say shouldn't be said over the phone

there are ACTUALLY mopeds here

[ an image of the row of them, magenta one as the focus in frame, accompanies ]

the gods can bring us anything, and they bring us mopeds.

it's funny, when I first woke up here, I thought maybe Elijah had taken me somewhere. I thought maybe Europe. Italy, even. A cave in Italy.

Mopeds.

Are they free?

the one that did this must have a sense of humor? or a sense of fun??

really? do you think there's anywhere in Europe this depressing???

um. let me...look

[ And five minutes later. ]

yes. someone came by and answered that question for us. anyone can use them.

we should take one. what color? [ Is she going to drive the moped to you, Elena? And as per the game's lovely descriptions and Caroline's photo, all of the options are on display: magenta, sunny yellow, sky blue, and peach orange. ]

[ Elena never saw herself as a moped girl, maybe if she had ever made it to Italy. ironic, now. ]

You pick.

[ Caroline's there already, she's finding what fun there is here. Elena's still stewing in everything happening back home. But, now she's also rereading the first message everyone gets. And getting up. She doesn't mope over some guy. Or, becoming a vampire. She's not a vampire. Not here. Stefan is really a non-issue. She hadn't settled anything with either one of them. There were more important, more dangerous things. She can rest easy that Tyler broke his sire bond and that Caroline has lived for eight years. She's not dead. Some vampires die, especially vampires around her, being the doppelgänger, but she survived. ]

I think that there are depressing places everywhere. Maybe an underground cave in Europe would be. Being taken against my will isn't encouraging.

[ But, hopefully, Caroline knows she won't sit back and mope. Not her style. Not today. Were she a vampire, that would be another story. These feelings she does feel might overwhelm her. Another reason she's grateful not to be. ]

[ Caroline labors over this choice for a couple of minutes. The city isn't huge, and she imagines that Elena might use it more often than she does. When she's out on her own, anyway. Otherwise, they'll be going around town together on a -- ]

OK. Yellow it is. That way, there's at least one thing we can see outside that's actually sunny. :)

[ And you thought she was going to pick magenta, didn't you?! This isn't Barbie Dreamhouse building. Besides, they can always pick a different one later. The moped borrowing seems pretty lax. ]

Fair. Also, that would've been...better. Probably. At least we could've gotten out and gone home. But, no moping from me. [ She doesn't think that Elena's intention is to mope, either. Not at all. Elena's stronger than that.

She considers, on the regular, how grateful she is that Elena isn't a vampire, too. How wild that could have gone, since this place likes to pick vastly different times to take people from the same place (world?) from. It could have taken either of them from when their humanities were turned off. Ugh. ]

I'll bring this back over in a jiffy, then we should go see if there's anywhere halfway decent to eat around here. Or, if that ridiculous stove is our only option. [ Don't bring up the microwave. Small appliance nemeses should be ignored at all costs! ]

Edited 2017-04-15 03:15 (UTC)

We're not talking about the stove. Or, the microwave. But, maybe we should invite someone we meet today over, so they can show us how to work them.

[ What a great idea, Elena! ] Plus, we do need a network. Someone will have mercy on us. Or pity. I don't really care which. Just as long as we get them working. At least ONE of them...

[ Cause they need to be able to cook, ya'll. ]

We should focus on the oven if we can. We can do more with it.

[ We meaning 'You.' ]

I'll meet you by the front door.

[ There are a lot of steps, okay? ]

Exactly. We'll get it working. I believe in us! Or, the person who knows way more than us about it.

[ She knows. Plus, she loves to cook. ]

Perfect. On my way over.

[ Caroline driving around on a moped: this cave's sure something, isn't it? ]

So apparently there is a bar???
What the hell Hadriel.

[a fact connor has apparently just discovered]

We should go, then. See if it's up to our standards. [ Elena's standards being, Mystic Grill and drinking in houses and graveyards. So. Pretty low. Though the atmosphere sounds dope af. ]

Sounds great to me
You can bring your friend too

Caroline. I will. She wouldn't want to miss it. I shouldn't assume you don't have plans for tonight, so I'll ask, when do you want to go? We happen to be free tonight. And tomorrow. Probably two days from now.

Looks like my calendar is completely empty too what a coincidence.
Let's do it, it'll be fun.

[ That's the spirit. ]

It will be. Is the new bar on the map? Or, is it near something that is on the map?

Yeah it's [here's the location!!]

[ WOW WHAT AN AMAZING LOCATION. ]

Thanks, Connor. We'll see you there, tonight.

[ Thanks to Caroline, Elena and her best friend beat Connor there. Caroline has never been the girl that takes hours to get ready. It seems that especially now, with kids and a career, punctuality means more than ever. It's the second time Elena has agreed to meet someone she hasn't seen before (the first being Emily), but that had gone well, so how bad could this be?

Unfortunately, she realizes she hasn't seen him (and he, her) as she sits with her phone in hand. ] Do you think we should send him a picture of us?

[ Elena's always been one to politely roll with Caroline's suggestions, and those days, Caroline loves that she's that way. It hasn't always been like that, so many streaks of jealously, pertaining to one of her besties, having been her norm in years more recent for Elena than herself.

Here though, in the weirdness of Hadriel, she wants to support and inspire where she can. And Elena looks fab in that outfit.

Caroline's lips purse out in consideration as she looks over to Elena. ] Sure, I mean, it wouldn't hurt. [ She's already leaning in toward her best friend too, smiling as a photo is snapped to send off to Connor. ] So -- did the word pictures he painted for you make it seem like's cute? [ What. She's allowed to ask! ]

[dang they put in effort - which he's both surprised (because, come on, it's cavehell) and happy about because man, sometimes you want people to look their best. luckily for them, connor's been dressing a bit more button ups and slacks and less stress-cardigan lately so he actually looks pretty presentable and not like the mess he's felt like since that fiasco with the doubles.

he gets their photo just before getting there, but it's pretty obvious who they are -- two good looking girls in the middle of the bar which, given hadriel and the fact he knows most of everyone who lives here, means it isn't hard to figure out quickly. he waves to them and heads over to sit with them.]

Hey, look at you guys, all dressed up at nice.

[ Caroline. They're trapped. This is about friendship. ] He didn't paint any word pictures.

[ Someone raises their arm and Elena looks out, smiling. She waves, too, arm shooting up. They're here, at the bar. So, he's cute. She knows cute boys. Not why she's here. ] You can thank Caroline for that. She insisted. [ She's only slightly needling her best friend. She's secretly happy she was asked to dress up. And though what Caroline picked out doesn't exactly feel like her, maybe what Elena needs is to not feel like her. She does feel good in what she's wearing, at least. ]

[ Friends first, then who knows what could happen! Look at Monica and Chandler, Elena. She gives her bestie a pressing gaze, but when she sees Elena smile, she also looks over, smiling perhaps a little smugly to herself. Hey, he is cute!

She shifts, expression friendly and positive when Connor moves over toward them. She's all about getting to know people instead of looking for people to set them up with too, anyway: she's not in high school anymore, Elena. Er... maybe don't say that, Caroline, to your best friend who...still is. ] Thanks. And. Hey! [ Back to Elena, hair swishing as her head gives a shake. ] This whole place needs a little brightening up. Why not make sure that happens in a way that can't fail. And, hey, Connor. I'm Caroline -- making needless introductions because of manners. But, glad we found out about this place. Thanks. This place would've been truly unbearable if there wasn't a bar anywhere.

Ugh, I know. [connor sighs dramatically] For awhile we didn't have one and it was awful? When Elena and I first talked I had no idea they'd made this place, but I gotta say, I'm pretty impressed.

[he looks around them, nodding approvingly. this is actually nice, good for you hadriel. he holds out his hand to shake caroline's -- and then elena's, of course]

Connor. It's nice to meet you both.

[introductions and manners are important! his mom taught him right]

[ Elena waits, and then shakes his hand, too. ]

You too, Connor. It's nice to be met in person. I was starting to think people here preferred talking on the phone all the time. [ And the people she met in person varied in attitude. Most had one. ] Do the gods get mad at each other when one of the events effects something they built? Delight can't be happy her bar was blown up.

[ She can't be. Elena doesn't understand the politics in this place, or these gaseous gods. ]

[ He agrees, and Caroline's smile turns strained and wry, purposefully, over the lack of bars, happy that he agreed. They all need a spot with alcohol and colorful times!

She's already peered around, but naturally follows in suit and shakes Connor's hand. ] You too. [ Tacked on, looking over to Elena when she speaks. They get along well, in spite of the severe eight year difference between them, and the dynamic of truly listening to each other, bouncing ideas and absorbing each others' insight is a constant with them. Especially being in such a weird place. ]

It's like...this place ascribes to the idea of technology just, making all our lives actually easier. But, yeah. She must've been upset. Anything being taken away from you around here probably really sucks. There's just...so little, in general. [ She gives a soft sigh, present company not included in that statement of belittling, and she defaults to that being assumed. ]

[they cut to the chase pretty quickly - he's not surprised, they'd been really quick to figure out the dynamic with the voting, too. getting to hadriel was a pretty shitty experience in general, but he's way past the point of trying to figure out why anything here works the way it does.

still, their attitude is pretty good about it, all things considered]

Yeah, stuff around here is ...not great. Which I know is the understatement of the year. People sometimes do things to help out but mostly, we're all pretty tired of the same shit the gods put us through.

[ Which might be where drinking comes in. ]

I - don't know what it's like to be here for more than a few weeks, but I know there's always something we can do. Whether it's living, despite what goes on, or, helping. Things were not great where we're from but, we persevered.

[ She says, looking to Caroline. Help her out. She's not trying to pep talk but it sounds like she is and you're better at this. ]

[ You never know how someone you're just meeting will really take to anything that sounds like a pep talk, but Caroline's more than happy to provide additional support! Especially with that look from Elena. She nods before starting in. ] We've been literally terrorized by overpowered control freaks, more times than I care to count, and that's really just the start of the story that makes up what life in Mystic Falls was like.

There's always ways to live through the hell, too. Parties, talking, then, partying again. [ A light laugh, but she totally means that. ] I know everyone's capable of really living their lives here, even with gods who keep putting the same hell on repeat. Elena and I are walking examples of that being possible. [ You are, Elena, even if you haven't lived through everything you will. ] People just...need to find ways to thrive. And I know there are ways to do that, even here. And we'll find them. [ A smile to Elena then back to Connor, implication there supporting Elena's words about helping people. It's a simple thing, but -- ] Sometimes people just need a nudge, ya know?

Well at least if there's weird shit back home it's easier to deal with, right?

[ he's not really sure - some people feel like it is while others don't. all he knows its really hard when everything was normal and nothing weird happened and now you live in a cave with gods.]

There's stuff you can get involved in though - like I think this is Rey's bar, and there's an orchard and a library. Stuff like that.

[ Elena glances to Caroline, not feeling it is easier to deal with.

Certain concepts she understands, in her context, but no, Connor, it doesn't get easier. ]

We were at the library, for the open mic night. I want to go back. [ She's a reader. And she can't see herself picking apples. Unless necessary and needed. She'd do it. Just not -- over and over again. ]

[ Caroline gives a sympathetic nod, although sees the glance from Elena. She doesn't agree either, so no empathy rages through her, but she understands where Connor is coming from. It really isn't easier to bear because of their lives at home.

She gives a warm smile with Elena's reaction to the mention of the library. ] You should. We should. I'm sure there's something to learn there. [ As at any library. The idea of manual labor to pass the time, though? Not her cup of tea, either. It'd be monotonous. ] Are you involved in anything like that, Connor? [ Or, whatever else. ]

[ connor laughs about open mic because he may or may not have sang a katy perry song during the talent show because the gods wanted to celebrate. whoops?? ]

I'm in school back home, but there's not exactly a ton of incentive to keep studying here.

For what? [ He does seem older than high school, and Elena never says she's in school. She says, in high school. ]

[ Everyone should bust out a bit of 'Firework' every now and then, Connor. Caroline's brows lift in interest with his answer, looking over to Elena when she asks.

She's completely out of school, went through her undergraduate program and everything. She's just aged well or...something. ] Right, and if they even have options to study here? [ Always a little cynical, when it fits the moment! She takes a sip. ]

No matter how I put this, words won't be enough, but I want to see you, Elena. Talk. As much as you're willing to. Even if I'm the last person who deserves to talk to you right now.

[ Yes, she's checking in. Yes, she has motive. No, she's not going to give up if Elena turns her down. No matter the mistakes that Delight and Rage helped drive her toward, Caroline doesn't give up on the love she has for her best friends.

Not that she's planning on opening with any comments like that.

In fact, as much as there are no words to appropriately reach out to Elena after the even greater divide between them? She's not completely sure what she'll say. She's buckling down for comments about how absurd it is that, for once, Caroline Forbes has nothing to say, too. But Elena? She's not like that, not when she's fully herself.

But she knows Elena can't feel completely herself yet, and it's all Caroline's fault. Her goal has rounded right back around to being there for Elena, even if she really is the last person the other girl wants to see. She has to do what's right. Not out of a desire to control the situation, but for a brand new vampire, for her best friend.

Really, this is the start of the least she could do after rending Elena's life apart, all the more.

How foolish were they to think they could go about living their lives in any normal facet there in Hadriel? ]

[ She doesn't blame Caroline. She partially blames herself, but this is Elena Gilbert, and it wouldn't be right if she didn't blame herself. Everything that went unsaid contributed to where the two of them ended up. The gods may influence them here, and she does have more questions as to how, but their history is what happened. Their history and hesitance at discussing what they should have. In truth, Elena resented Caroline, even if she hadn't voiced it. Caroline had lived, had children, and found her way to Stefan.

As Rage's effects wore off, Elena's real emotions kicked in.

She sobbed. She sobbed for Caroline, and for her. For Alaric, and for Jenna. But, it wasn't insurmountable. And the drive to go on, to press on always takes over. This isn't mourning a family member (another family member), but everything she knows to be true.

How she knows it.

Elena, if possible, feels more herself than she may have ever felt. The Elena that awakens free of anyone's influence feels one thing when the pain dies down. Determination. She's dead, yes, but she's not dead. The Elena who thought she couldn't bridge the gap between her and Caroline, that thought she couldn't burden anyone with what she was feeling? Dead. Because, as much as she feels more compassion than ever before for her friends here, she feels that compassion for Caroline, because she wasn't in the driver's seat. Not really. It's not Klaus in Ric's body. It's worse.

She receives the text during, ironically for her, a late morning shopping trip. She destroyed most of what Caroline had accumulated here. She'd need new. Her new mission replacing what she ruined distracts her from how utterly foreign her body and urges feel. Her simple musings on someone's attractiveness, her brief memory of Jeremy, her hunger are all heightened. She's choosing alcohol to curb cravings. She thinks back to Caroline's time as a new vampire, and listening as best friends do. But she can't quite reach out to her. Not until she makes good.

It's Caroline who takes the first step, when it was Elena that once would. Another thing that's different. ]

I'm not avoiding you. Not deliberately.

[ That hadn't been her intention. Other than the earlier zip in and out to steal one of Caroline's blood bags, Elena chose to not focus on what she was. And instead focus on what she'd done. Unfortunately, that came with avoiding territory.

As much as she didn't blame Caroline, things she'd said, and things Caroline had said still sting. As she looks down texting, her hair still curled falls into her face, the severe swoop across her forehead not drooping down, a reminder of the severity of the last few days. ]

You're right, we should see each other in person. Are you in your room?

Edited 2017-06-06 05:46 (UTC)

[ Caroline can't size up the dam that divides her from Elena, to know when boughs may break to sweep them into an eddy, how high the mountain is that's been forged between them. She can't, not until they talk.

When she first felt herself again, guilt filled her to the brim: she's still just as overwhelmed, and as if Elena would ever need a physical showing of that being the case, the darkness that cannot fleet from Caroline's eyes will be on full display to show it.

She thinks she'll say certain phrases too quickly, that her goal of taking this one step at a time will fail. Maybe it will; yet, what worse could she possibly do to Elena? For Caroline is thoroughly convinced that she's a total life-ruiner. Lack of full control being no excuse for her actions (it is an excuse, but not to Caroline. Not with a situation that comes with such high costs.)

Caroline occupies her time glancing around on her phone for messages to reply to. Anything to keep herself engaged. It's a failure, really, which is old hat for her that month. But, that self-loathing is a matter she doesn't want to make the focal point of anything, because it's Elena's feelings that matter, more than her own. She knows she breaks the cardinal rule of putting yourself first to properly be there for those you love, but this is a damn unique situation. She's putting Elena first, no matter what.

Before she texted, Caroline sat down with a glass of hot tea, some liquor poured in, glancing around the apartment that's as pristine as it could get with the supplies she's scrounged up. She's cleaned the place (not including Elena's room because hello privacy) up and down, giving the bathroom and kitchen both an intense scrub down.

Cleaning helps nothing when you literally stole your best friend's happiness.

Yet, she sits, breath holding at the relief that Elena replies. She took a shower in the past hour, hair already dry, casual clothes on. Anyone with a birds eye view might think everything is just peachy there in their shared little abode. ]

I wouldn't blame you if you were, either. But yeah, I'm here. In the kitchen.

Do you wanna come by now? [ It's so bizarre to ask, to feel the need to ask, and her chest hurts at the notion. ]

I want to.

[ She reads. She rereads. She doesn't like it. She knows what it implies, the she wants to but can't and that's not the case. They need to come face to face. If not because they wronged one another, because they're friends. ]

What I mean is, I'm coming if now works for you.

Edited 2017-06-06 09:15 (UTC)

[ They both reread that, and Caroline gives a look of rueful dejection as she stares into the screen and tries to decide what she should type back.

She knows Elena, that no matter how difficult an honest statement was to make, that she'd never leave those words hanging. So when another text comes, she takes another breath, not entirely of relief, but something akin to it. ]

That works. [ More than. She really needs to see you, Elena. ] I'll have a drink ready for you, too.

[ Two glasses of straight liquor seem appropriate, but she's already in the process of whipping up another tea with, well, not vodka. But, what she has will do. A touch of warmth in a space that'll probably dissolve into tears. ]

[ Elena lugs a triangle-shaped trunk of clothes she's found, (the trunk found as well). It's easy for her, in part thanks to Caroline. She doesn't use her speed. She anticipates what could be said, and what she has to say - reforming even that as she nears their first spire. The pile of ash nearby turns her stomach, that she would do that to her friend - or to anyone. Names of who influenced her, whom she encouraged enter her mind. One woman she didn't get the name of even tried to stop her.

It's the first time she's taken these steps without having to think about her breath, without taking breaks, without getting even a little winded.

No, she doesn't miss that.

Setting down the trunk, she unlocks the door, letting it swing open. The doorway is still weirdly high so it's easy to get her trunk of clothes in. She doesn't need an invitation, she knows that, but still she feels the eventual pull - or is it push of an unseen force she'll likely encounter soon.

Letting out a breath, she picks the trunk up again, long and expansive, but again, ultimately shaped like a triangle.

Caroline comes into view, and the drinks she's made them. Setting the trunk down vertically, she doesn't unclasp it. But, inside Caroline will find several options. (More than several. Elena scoured.)

She smells the liquor first.

She pauses in the doorway to the kitchen, watching Caroline, knowing she's feeling remorse. She's beating herself up. Blaming herself. For things said and especially done. ] I woke up on the ground. I'm sorry I didn't call. [ Or text. Or, get back into touch with her. ] I gathered what I could. I even found duplicates. I think the gods only have so much imagination when it comes to what we can ask for. [ So, those aren't lost. ] Caroline...

[ Caroline doesn't actively reach out to hear Elena approaching, so that lugging of the trunk doesn't fall on her ears. She mulls over what she should say first. If she should let Elena move the conversation forward, if it's wrong for her to do so. She rephrases sentences several times over in her mind, sighing to herself over how empty it all sounds, no matter how she might word it.

Her attention shoots over when she hears the door open, chair moving with her as she slowly rises, feet moving. She wouldn't have rushed over, and the sight of a big object gives her even more pause. Her eyes scan over it, glancing back to the cups before moving to one and carrying it over to hand to Elena when she starts to speak. It's too difficult to meet her eyes, and once she hears what the trunk, she realizes it's meant to be, holds? Her eyes shut, and she steals a moment to retrieve her cup too. It's not intentional that her back is turned when Elena says her name, but she tenses and turns, regret etched into her features.

One step toward Elena, fingers clasped around her cup. ] You didn't have to, Elena. I don't...thank you. [ A swallow: she didn't deserve this, Elena, but there's no reason to say that. Not when the gesture has already been extended. ] I'm just...I'm glad you're here. I'm...sorry you woke up alone. [ She was, well, busy someplace else. Committing deeds she'd rather not mention. Because denial is the better option. She glances down to the floor, swallowing again. ] Really, I, a thank you isn't enough, but -- my clothes are the absolute last thing on my mind right now... [ She can't help but encourage them toward talking about the difficult topics. That's what they're there to do, right? ]

[ Elena takes the cup - but mostly she just holds it because she's not thirsty. And she's already buzzed. Not that anyone could tell. Her tolerance is exponentially higher than it used to be. She shakes her head. Caroline doesn't need to apologize for where Elena dropped to the ground exhausted from the last week.

Elena looks down into her glass. ] I know. [ But, it's what she focused on. Like their clean apartment. ] I don't think I'm okay, Caroline. With where we're from, with who you -- I don't know if anything would've happened with Stefan, I know it did for a short time but - I didn't live it, and living with everything I don't know... [ Her words trail off. ] It was one thing when I didn't think about it, but now it's all I can think about. Stefan. [ She pauses, guilt from her next name. ] Damon. [ She takes in a breath. ] We're different people now, Caroline. Me, literally. I don't [ She quickly brings her hand up, palm forward to stop her. ] blame you for that. I know what happens to me. But, we're not the girl whose blood breaks spells and the vampire learning to live her life anymore. You lived your life and had kids. And I -- died. [ Again. She sets her glass down on the front table, facing Caroline again. ] This is going to sound like punishment or, like I hate you, and I don't, Caroline. I couldn't. Not ever. [ And despite her saying that, it's apparent there's more to what she's saying. ] But, I can't stay here. There's a part of me that does blame you and misses Stefan and everyone and you remind me of everything. And I can't -- take that. We were fooling ourselves, Caroline, that things could be the way they were. We're in Hadriel now. [ She needs this. And she needs to say it. They're in hell. ]

[ Caroline didn't drink much while cleaning, either, and she's regretting it. Her neurosis wants to spring out and take over.

But this is Elena. She can't do that to her. She listens, the color fading from her face as the reality of her friend's words sink in. That they've traveled down paths into some warped unknown. That she's had what Elena won't. That, in spite of no romantic jealousy being a reality in her own future, that fact doesn't change that Elena's heart is still exposed to the pains of what she knows will come. Elena isn't wrong. Not with a single word she says. Caroline's hands grip tighter around her cup, wishing it, or anything, could be anchor to anything resembling security, comfort. ] But we can get through anything together, Elena. [ She means it. She knows it. She also knows that Elena knows it, but this situation doesn't mirror the reality either of them know. It's a twisted amalgamation of the truth, of the lives they've both lived, a fate that befalls Elena having swung on both of them like an iron pendulum.

Caroline sighs, looking down again, meeting Elena's eyes before she speaks. ] I'm sorry, Elena. If there were anything I could do to change what happened, I promise that I'd do it. [ But they both know there's nothing under Hadriel's dark ceiling that makes a vampire human again. Nothing they know of, anyway, so it's not a real consideration. ] And I want you to blame me. It is my fault. But -- [ her head shakes rapidly ] I'm not pitying myself, or playing the victim. What matters is what happened. To you.

[ A long beat. ] Where will you stay? [ Where is there to go, in hell? ] Do you know? [ Her voice is strained, but she holds her emotions at bay. Losing it in that moment can't be a thing. She needs to keep it together. ]

[ Caroline echoes what Elena said on the first day, but it rings hollow in her ears. She still believes that. Inherently. The problem lies in that the circumstances are different. She isn't the fragile human who has the luxury of compartmentalizing. She gets to live every emotion at an 11 with no off switch she wants in sight. And Caroline dials those to 12.

She said her peace, which makes it harder to answer Caroline, to respond to her questions. She speaks, she adds, and she worries, like Caroline does.

No matter the state her friendship is in, it's good to have this side of her back.

Her emotions are on a hairpin trigger, tears welling up. She blinks them away, fighting against the urge, looking to her right. ] I'll find something. And I'll let you know when I do. But, don't spend all your time blaming yourself. It isn't good for you, or for me. And that's coming from someone who blames herself for everything. [ Partially. ] What happened with us isn't simple. Not who we can blame, not what we did. Not why.

[ But she can't say they'll get through this because in truth she doesn't know. She knows she wants to. But, she also knows these conflicting feelings aren't going away and Caroline is a large part of that. ] Promise me you won't blame yourself.

[ Caroline's had years of managing her emotions, and even so, ones that are felt with the most intensity are still prone to overtaking her. Seeing how Elena's affected causes her own eyes to shine, tears not forming, but at the very precipice of shaping.

She gives a slow nod, unable to tear her gaze away even as Elena casts hers to the side. ] Okay. [ So quietly acknowledged, the notion of her finding someplace to stay, said under Caroline's breath in between Elena's phrases. The tears threaten more, her eyes going wider in an effort to try denying that she, really, might cry, face tilting down. How could she not blame herself?

But Elena has several good points. Still. They don't make it easier to bear the weight of it all. She exhales through her nose, fighting back wryness, over Elena blaming herself for everything.

It's not simple, and at the core of heart, Caroline does believe they'll get through this. It's not the time to go full force into a speech about their strength, the bond that endures no matter how dark times get, and she realizes that. What conflicts within Caroline is the unknown of how Elena may process all of this. She takes a deep breath. ] Elena. How... [ her shoulders rise and fall, slowly, pang of ache in her chest, expression crestfallen ] it's not simple enough to feel any other way that that, right now. I'm. I'm sorry. I want to make that promise to you. If I felt like I could, I really, really would. But I did this. To you. Because I couldn't control myself, and no matter what force was behind that, I can't not take responsibility for what happened.

I can... [ she cuts off, knowing she's gone into a mini-monologue, but she's Caroline Forbes. it's bound to happen. what she continues with, she means, tone sincere ] let it not eat me alive. But it is technically my fault. I took your life from you. I'd be an even lousier friend if I lied about being to pass responsibility off on anyone else.

And I know it's gonna take time to process this...awfulness, but I know you can. That you will. You're...you're strong, Elena. You always have been. Always will be. [ Her first sniffle, face twisting with the attempt to fight away the burgeoning emotion before tears start to fall, and she wipes them away, unable to even attempt a soft smile but meeting Elena's eyes. ]

[He's been shitty at reaching out and knows he has to to keep from spiraling, and maybe it's this self-awareness that proves he's maturing as a person - at thirty-nine, fuck - or maybe it's because he remembers this Elena telling him that it must be hard to be here without someone you know.]

you doing okay after [Personal Hell?] all that?

[ When all you fear is what you'll become when alone with your thoughts, some days (or weeks) you have to live with just your thoughts. She takes Lance's advice most days, writing how she feels down - writing what's happened to her, writing what she misses. Always writing.

She's not sure what he means by 'all that,' because the last all that for her is due to Delight and Rage's party. Though, the rain-soaked days weren't easy or fun, either.

She doesn't think he knows what she is now. ]

I think I missed "all that," and now I'm wishing I hadn't. I'm sorry I haven't been around. Are you okay, Nate?

[It's been pretty stressful all around. He realizes the question could be a more "all-encompassing" thing.]

i'm fine

[He is not fine. He keeps thinking of his wife's hand slipping out of his as she falls. That she made the choice doesn't make him feel any better.]

just wanted to check in. still got your friend around?

but what I want to say shouldn't be said over the phone

text ] [ on day two

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dnw youre way faster than me

sometimes.

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text ][ pick a time, any time

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[text] post-shitty ghost event

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